Words of a Skinny Legend

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” — Gandhi

I have come back to this phrase three times now in my life. I first encountered it in middle school. My school was nice enough to provide agendas for the students and they were filled with inspiring quotes from famous people. Among the historic words from prestigious names, Gandhi’s words echoed through thin air and bounced off my naïveté. I remember feeling (and maybe exactly saying) that I would enter middle school “like a ton of bricks”. I felt I was a force to be reckoned with, and my effect could not be denied.

How I saw myself at age 11, going into sixth grade. Outfit and all.

I was a brat. Worse, my mom worked at my school.

My brattiness could not be denied.

Middle school left me battered and bruised, in every way. I remember reading Gandhi’s “slogan” at the time, so it must have had an effect on me. Frankly, I just remember middle school being terrible. I remember being changed, against my will.

Middle school, am I right?

The next memory I have of these words is from my senior year book. A longtime, peripheral friend of mine had selected this to be her quote in the yearbook — properly attributed of course. Quotes were a scandal that year, so it was nice to see something safe and powerful. Moreover, since it was now the second time I’d heard that particular call, it was like learning an advanced skill.

I could parse it now. With all of the angst I’d built up over four years of self-doubt, depression, and extreme academic success.

Okay, I could barely parse it. Finally, the words meant something to me. Lead by example, show others how it is done, kill with kindness, prove that you know the way forward.

Be Gandhi.

I always liked that Gandhi seemed to smile with his whole face. Despite not being candid photos, photos of him like this feel earnest and joyful.

If you’re currently living with a high schooler, take this moment to remind them they’re very young, and remarkably silly. Please also tell them to hold onto the weirdness.

Despite listening to the words this time, I wasn’t an exemplar in college. I did gain a lot of confidence, some earned and some just white and male. Most importantly, I began to see the picture of “the change I want to see in the world.”

People don’t focus on that part. People see the call to action, the imperative declaration.

“BE THE CHANGE”

But there’s also the idea of, “what do you want the world to look like?” In middle school, I knew my world as it wrapped around me. Like many children, I found myself at the center of my world and I felt a large if not complete overlap between my world and THE world. In high school, I’d dropped some of that pretense, but I’d also picked up four years of “wisdom” about what the world could look like.

By the time I graduated college, I was tending blooms of how the world should work. Ideals though they were, I began to act along those lines emphatically. I was demanding of a better world with better people doing better things.

The world doesn’t work that way.

Grad school sucks. Yada yada.

It’s been almost ten years since I left college. It’s been almost fourteen years since I left high school and last *heard* Gandhi. But it happened a few days ago. I forget the context exactly — because you know, the thing — but it struck a chord once more.

I’m still young, almost 31. I’m still bratty, and certainly idealistic. I don’t think of myself as confident, but I’ve been told I’m intimidating because i seem to know myself so well.

Faced with the ever-unfolding human strife around me, the words took on new meaning.

“Be the change YOU want to see in the world.”

Stirred with feeling, I dug into the words and found more. This thought is distilled from Gandhi’s actual words:

We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.

That doesn’t necessarily have the same ring to it, though the meaning is richer and more nuanced.

Moreover, there’s no sentiment of value or correctness. The message I hear now is one of self-affirmation and belief in your own intentional actions. Demand control and autonomy where you can, and be the thing you wish you had. Ceding that hope upon others means risking them not living up to what are probably impossible standards.

While you are not alone, you are the only thing you can control.

I do want to see the world change, and bend toward my ideal. I hope for it everyday, and I am often left upset and a little more broken every time.

But also, I live that change in my actions for myself everyday. And while I’m not doing it FOR you, you’re welcome to join me.

I am the change I want to see in the world. It’s all I can do for myself.

Sincerely Not Still,

August